My First Kiss Was a Guy
by Echimiko Akari
Summary: Tezufuji ...But this isn’t a simple case of “he loves him, he loves him not.” This is big. And I intend to treat it as such.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is not a love story, despite the title. Yes, there will be romance in it, obviously, but the focus isn't on that.

I sometimes feel as though fanfiction writers adopt an attitude of, "so they love each other. Who cares that they're both guys?" or touch on the issue very, very lightly. But this isn't a light topic, or a simple case of "he loves _him, _he loves him not." This is big. And I intend to treat it as big.

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My name is Tezuka Kunimitsu.

And I'm afraid I might be gay.

It had started over the summer, one afternoon when Fuji and Oishi had convinced me to go with them to the beach. I had joined them, albeit reluctantly, as we settled down on the towel Fuji had brought along.

"Um…excuse me," a voice began. It was a girl I'd seen somewhere before… she might've been in my class or something the year before. She had… filled out over the summer, and wore- if you could call it wore- a tiny bikini that more than accentuated that fact.

"Can I help you?" I had asked politely, wishing she'd go away. The beach was crowded enough as it was, and another person sitting with us would just make me claustrophobic.

"Oh!" She gave me a grateful smile. "I was hoping you were Tezuka Kunimitsu from my class! I'm Yashi, remember? I sat next to you in biology last year…?"

I nodded shortly, trying not to make her feel welcome. She seemed to get the message, quickly smiling at Fuji and Oishi and excusing herself.

I turned back to the two of them… and saw a bright splotch of color above each of Oishi's cheekbones, and Fuji's wide blue eyes, open as he stared after her.

"Sh-she…" Oishi shook his head vigorously, as though willing himself to shake her picture out of his mind. "Wow," was all he could manage.

Fuji turned to me. "That's our Tezuka," he teased, returning to normal. "Never fazed by even a beautiful girl."

_  
A beautiful girl… _We were at that age when our hormones did all the talking, and a girl who looked like _that_ wearing almost nothing should have affected me at least a little. _What was wrong with me?_

That had been my first clue. The second was later that day, when Fuji decided we were going to go swimming. He pulled me along to the ocean, laughing, then as Oishi watched ruefully, stripped down to only his swimming trunks and jumped into the water, pulling me in with him.

My clothing billowed around me as I struggled to remain afloat. Laughing, Fuji swam circles around me as I attempted to pull off my shirt.

But the distractions were too great- not the distraction of the water surrounding me, but the distraction of Fuji. My eyes followed him involuntarily, and I didn't even realize what I was staring at until…

"Tezuka… are you just going to stare at me or are you going to have FUN!" Fuji demanded, grabbing my shirt and yanking it off.

I was suddenly aware of his fingers lightly brushing against my skin and _what_ he was doing (never mind that where we were, what he was doing was totally ordinary), and I started getting very, very hot.

I turned away so Fuji and Oishi wouldn't see my face- (which I was sure was bright red)- and forced myself to calm down. _Why was I feeling this way?_

Finally, I regained my cool and stripped down on my own. "Don't ever do that again," I warned an impishly grinning Fuji.

"Can't you take a joke, Ku-ni-mit-su-chan?" he drawled in a very unlike Fuji manner.

Oishi laughed. "I'd say Tezuka's got to loosen up. After all, next year's tennis captain can't be all stern…"

"Someone has to be," Fuji pointed out. "Maybe I should be the serious one." He grabbed my glasses off my nose and put them on, screwing up his face in a fair caricature of my own stony visage. "Don't let your guard down!" he barked at Oishi.

"Yes, sir," Oishi saluted, then pretended to lift a phantom racket and swing it.

"Now run thirty laps around the ocean!" Fuji ordered.

Oishi took off toward the tideline, grinning.

"You still alive?" Fuji asked me, not turning around. I fought to keep direct my eyes upwards toward the seagulls flying by. _Don't look at him. Not until you figure out just what you were feeling before._

"Is Oishi coming back?" I asked finally.

Fuji shrugged. "Looks like he saw someone he knows down there. He's talking to some guy."

"Ah." I had nothing else to say. "I think I'm going to head home now, before it gets late."

"Wait!" Fuji's yell, sounding almost desperate, stopped me in my tracks.

I turned to face him. "Yes?"

He shrugged. "Never mind." His eyes closed and he turned away. "See you later."

"Later," I agreed, heading for the changing rooms.

Once inside one, I shut the door and leaned against the wall weakly. What had come over me? Why had I acted, no, felt like that? _What was wrong with me!_

I suspected the truth, even then, but I didn't dare to say it aloud. Saying the words would make it real. And I didn't want it to be real…


	2. Chapter 2

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My head ached the morning before school began again, but I resisted my mother's urges to stay home. A headache was nothing, and besides, we had a game that afternoon. As captain, I had a responsibility to my team- one that I would fulfill.

I headed for the bus stop, nodding to the people who always waited for the same bus. There was Ayami-san, the woman who lived down the block; Boku, a boy four or five years my elder; and Dan-san, a friendly man who always greeted me with a smile. He was gay and proud of it, which had always made me a little nervous; but I couldn't just avoid someone as kind as he. Today, though, I stood as far away from him as possible. Dan looked at my expression searchingly, and his face seemed to harden. He didn't talk to me or wish me luck today.

I got onto the bus, grateful for the cessation of the awkward silence. That had been… uncomfortable. Had Dan seen my sudden confusion about my own sexual identity?

What did he know? Why was-

"Tezuka. Ohayo!" A voice broke me out of my reverie.

I didn't bother looking up. "Ohayo, Oishi."

Oishi sat down beside me. "You seem troubled."

I remolded my expression ever so slightly. Not many people would have seen my preoccupation, but Oishi wasn't just another person. He was my best friend.

Would he still be my friend if he knew my suspicions?

_No! _I shook these thoughts out of my head. They were unclean, unnatural. I shouldn't be thinking of such things! I turned my focus back to Oishi. "I'm just thinking."

"Is your arm okay?" Oishi asked anxiously.

I sighed. My arm had been injured two years prior, and the old wound hadn't completely healed yet. "It'll be okay. I'm making good progress." I turned to look out the window. "I'll even play today."

"Good. I worry," he said earnestly. Oishi hadn't been called "the Mother of Seigaku" for nothing.

We sat in companiable silence for a minute or two, and then Oishi smiled. "How about that new freshman Ryuzaki-sensei told us about? What are you going to do with him?"

"Do with him?" I waited for Oishi to elaborate.

"Well, if this Echizen Ryoma really is any good, is he going to make the team this year? Or will there be a repeat of what happened to _you_ in your freshman year?"

The bus pulled up to the stop closest to our school, about four blocks away. Oishi continued his worrying, and I determinedly kept walking, trying not to think about anything but school.

"Ohayo, Tezuka-senpai, Oishi-senpai!" Momoshiro Takeshi sped by on a bicycle. He was a year younger and also on the tennis team.

"Slow down and be careful, Momo!" Oishi called after him. "Isn't your ankle still sprained?"

The younger boy just tossed off a half-salute and sped off.

"Momo's very energetic today," someone commented from behind us. My concentration shattered.

"Oh, hello, Fuji!" Oishi said brightly. "Looking forward to a new school year?"

"Of course," Fuji smiled. "We're seniors now. I plan to enjoy this last year before university."

"I guess I will, too," Oishi said thoughtfully. "But mostly I can't wait for tennis this year. To the Nationals, right, Tezuka?" That promise had been sacred to us for over a year.

Both looked at me expectantly, waiting for a reply. "Y-yes," I said, keeping my eyes forward. "To the Nationals." I fought to remain calm. Why did Fuji make me like this? "Don't let your guard down."

Fuji laughed. "As expected of Tezuka."

I walked a little ahead of the other two, not wanting to look at Fuji. He reminded me a little too much of that day at the beach, and I didn't want to remember.

I blocked out Oishi and Fuji's conversation and instead focused on my surroundings: the cars rushing past on their way to work, the distant rain clouds, the guy in front of me's hair as it fell softly over his slender frame, not quite reaching his ass…and he had a very nice ass.

_What the hell? _I stopped short. _Get a grip, Kunimitsu. What is happening to you?_

Fuji, just behind me, didn't realize that I had stopped and crashed into me. He was small enough that he shouldn't have been able to knock me down, but I staggered hard enough from his touch that I fell myself, Fuji on top of me.

"Aaa… gomen, Tezuka," Fuji breathed, staring down at me with those crystal blue eyes. He picked himself up- _too slowly, too slowly, get up quickly or I'll-_ "My fault." He held out a hand to pull me up.

I didn't dare take it. "No, I apologize." I stood easily, driving my thoughts before the fall out of my mind forcefully.

Oishi shook his head ruefully. "A sudden bout of clumsiness from Tezuka? What has this world come to?" We neared the school, a little too late for comfort, in my opinion.

"Oishiii!" A shorter boy came running out of the Seigaku tennis clubhouse. "It's bad, it's bad!" He grabbed hold of the railing next to us and climbed up it, then slid down and landed on the ground with a somersault. "My racket- it's gone!"

"Gone!" Oishi looked concerned. "It wasn't in your bag?"

His friend shook his head vigorously. "And then I called home and my sister couldn't find it in my room! It's missing!"

From behind me, Fuji smiled. "Eiji, you left it at my house yesterday. I have it in my bag."

Eiji pouted. "Fuji, you're so mean. Why didn't you tell me before? I was so worried!" He finally noticed me. "Oh, hello, Tezuka."

I nodded shortly. Eiji was Fuji's best friend and Oishi's Doubles partner, so I often ended up spending a lot of time with him. He scared me a little- so energetic and affectionate. Compared to him, I was a block of stone. "There's no morning practice today."

"Yup, I know." Eiji bounced up the stairs. We followed at a more sedate pace. "We've got a GAME today, right, Oishi?"

"Right! Oishi smiled at Eiji like he was the acrobatic player's father. "And we're going to win!"

Immediately, Oishi and Eiji began an animated discussion about their Doubles game.

Fuji winked at me. "Why don't we leave the Golden Pair in the golden sun while we get to class?"

"Fine." I followed him inside, getting a spectacular view. _Stop this!_

"I'd better get to my classroom," I said quickly. _Have to get away from him…stop feeling this…_

"I'll walk you there." _Damn._

"It's fine."

Fuji turned to look at me. "Tezuka, is something wrong? You've been acting… strangely."

"First day of school," I said shortly. If he knew the real reason…!

Fuji raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. "Fine. If you don't want to tell me…" He seemed to catch himself. "Well. Anyway, there's something I want to talk to you about, but I'll wait until you're more relaxed."

"My guard down?" I asked skeptically. Fuji knew me better than that!

Fuji shook his head, smiling again. "Never mind. Have fun in class." He had led me to my new homeroom, without my even noticing! _Dammit_…_how could he have that much of an effect on me?_

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The tennis match that afternoon was surprisingly easy, and lifted my spirits. We had a very talented team, one in which every player's individual talents contributed to the victory.

As I sat stone-faced, gazing down at Fuji's singles game, I was more than afraid. Not that we would lose or something, but that I was watching Fuji's form instead of his…well, form. The way he seemed to glide across the court as he swung his racket; his face, glistening with sweat; the smooth, pale skin that could be seen when his shirt flew up as he hit a particularly hard smash…

_No!_ Why did I keep doing this? It seemed as though my hormones were doing the talking instead of my mind today… but my hormones were confused. Obviously. That man from earlier had been a fluke, and they were just thinking of Fuji's more feminine aspects. I mean, he had a very soft voice that sounded soft even when he was angry.

It was damn sexy, though… _Stop it! And you're being irrational…_

This was just a stage. Somehow, I had convinced myself that I was…crushing…on Fuji. It was a stupid act on my mind's part, and I was sure that every guy goes through that stage at some point when he thinks he's, well… attracted to the wrong sex. It was all in my head, that was it. All in my head.

Then why were my eyes still fixed on Fuji's slender frame?


End file.
